It’s the night before your wedding, and you should be excitedly preparing for the most memorable moment of your life. Instead, you’re sobbing on your bathroom floor because you and your fiancé just fought. The timing couldn’t be worse, you’re suddenly filled with doubt, and if you go through with the wedding, your eyes will be red, puffy, and not photo-ready. What should you do?
First, breathe. Then take a step back and consider if your “fight” was just a minor, stress-induced dust-up or a symptom of something more serious that has resulted in arguments that are persistent, emotionally damaging, and centered on irreconcilable differences. If your fight involved an issue that you feel like you cannot overcome without a professional counselor’s guidance, then seek your family and friends’ support in deciding whether you should postpone the wedding until you’ve been able to work through your differences. If your argument was only a spat, then follow these steps to calm tensions and ensure that you start your married life together as husband and wife, calm and committed.
Be First to Say You’re Sorry
Your pride will only serve to foster resentment and anger. Be the first one to pick up the phone or knock on the door to say you’re sorry. It doesn’t matter who started the argument—it only matters who finishes it. Be the hero and say you’re sorry. Then accept his apology in return.
Talk it Through
Be open and honest with each other about the cause of the fight. Each of you must openly share your perspectives on the issue that triggered the argument without accusations or vicious criticisms. Listen as much as you talk. Even if you cannot agree on a resolution, agree to respect one another’s opinions and move on. In other words, agree to disagree, forgive, and forget.
Let it Go
Belt that beautiful Disney tune if you must, but what’s important is that when you wake up on your wedding day, you are committed not to bringing up the argument or its root cause again. Any minor disagreement, whether it be a bad joke the best man told at the rehearsal dinner or the same fight you always have about one of you being late for everything, set it aside. Focus on the reasons why you two have chosen to commit to one another for life—because you love each other, despite any of the little details and the stresses that life can cause.
It may sound hard to believe, but couples who constructively argue together maintain healthier relationships than those who keep hurts and disagreements under the surface, never discussing or resolving differences until they cause a detrimental explosion. If you fought in the months, days, weeks, or hours before your wedding, as long as the reason was not unforgivable and no one was physically or emotionally abused, accept that you are a couple who knows how to work through what’s hard to come out stronger on the other side. As long as you love each other and treat one another with respect, there’s nothing you can’t overcome (even if your new husband wants the DJ to play the Electric Slide at your reception—just smile and let it go!).