Should You Invite Your Ex (or His) to Your Wedding?

Breakups are easy… said no one ever.

Let’s be honest. Both you and your fiancé had a past before you two met (Note: If you’re marrying your high school sweetheart, check out last month’s blog on questions you should ask when choosing your stationer because you’re good on this topic). That means, you both likely have an ex or two in the closet. Whether you were once married, engaged, or you had a long-term, committed relationship, you may have an ex who is, in some way, still a part of your life. Before you meet with your stationer to discuss invitations, have an open conversation with your fiancé about whether or not you (or he) will be inviting your ex/exes to your nuptials. What follows are the factors to consider when making your decision.

Invite Your Ex to Your Wedding If…

  • It has been at least a few years since your breakup
  • Your breakup and recovery occurred with mutual respect
  • Your ex has also moved on and is in a relationship with someone else
  • You stay in regular, platonic contact and your fiancé supports your friendship
  • He has previously met your fiancé, and the two are on cordial terms
  • You have young children together who will be in the wedding, and you need his assistance taking care of them during the ceremony and reception (but only if you said yes to the previous items on this list)
  • He is currently dating one of your guests or a member of your bridal party

Do Not Invite Your Ex to Your Wedding If…

  • Your breakup was contentions
  • He is not yet over your breakup and hasn’t moved on yet
  • He does not have a cordial relationship with your fiancé
  • He and your fiancé have never met (their first introduction should not be at your wedding)
  • You’re not confident that a wedding vibe (and a few signature cocktails) won’t bring out intense emotions in either one of you

How to Talk to Your Fiancé About Your Desire to Invite Your Ex to Your Wedding

If you have an amicable relationship with your ex, and you want to invite him to your wedding, but aren’t sure if your fiancé will be comfortable, discuss your feelings openly. Reassure your fiancé that you wish for your ex to be at your wedding for the same reason you want all your other friends to be there and that you don’t have any ulterior motives for extending an invite (like showing off your new hottie).

Be receptive to your fiancé’s feelings during the discussion. Your husband should take priority over just about everyone else in your life, including old flames who are current friends. If your fiancé is so concerned about the presence of your ex at your wedding that there is a possibility that it will negatively impact his enjoyment of the big day, you should respect his feelings, and pass on inviting your ex.

What to Do If He Wants to Invite His Ex?

The same sentiments as above should apply if your fiancé wants to invite his ex to your wedding. If you are confident that their relationship is now platonic, and her presence does not make you feel uncomfortable, say yes to extending her an invite. If the idea of having his ex present at your wedding makes you cringe, be honest with him. He will respect your feelings, and you can go on to your next planning hurdle. Like figuring out how to address your wedding invitations for a couple where both have a distinguished title.

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